Blogs from our ‘Child Custody’ Category

DIVORCE THE COURTS FROM DIVORCE?

Friday, August 10th, 2012

DIVORCE THE COURTS FROM DIVORCE?  WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN? 

This article  was recently posted by Hennepin County District Judge Bruce Peterson in the Minneapolis, MN Star Tribune.  The following comment from Jennifer Moore, www.moorefamilylawmn.com is posted here by Tom Moore www.moorefamilylawmn.com with her permission.

MN FAMILY COURTS ARE NEEDED FOR THE CHILDREN’S SAKE

Judge Peterson’s comments are disheartening.  The notion that the system is so broken that no amount of reform will result in parents viewing the process as one that obtains the result that is in the best interests of children  is the very reason why the Courts MUST remain involved.  The Courts are the only assurance that children will be attended to properly.

People do opt out of the family court system all the time.  Some people appoint private special masters to decide their entire divorces.  Others appoint parenting consultants to assist in making decisions that courts would otherwise make.  Binding arbitration is frequently used to resolve property disputes.

MINNESOTA CHILD CUSTODY AND CHILD SUPPORT LEGISLATION NEEDS REFORM

My personal opinion is that significant legislative reform may be necessary to reduce the temper of family law litigation. The system needs to separate the financial issues from the “kid” issues in a way that is more meaningful than the mere lip service paid to the ideal in the present version of the system.  The truth is that almost all custody cases are about child support.  Who gets the family home impacts child custody decisions, which impacts child support and spousal maintenance decisions.

And while we are concerned about deadbeat fathers, we rarely concern ourselves with deadbeat mothers—the women who unreasonably limit their ability to support themselves in order to maximize the amount of money they might receive from a Judge in Court.

IN DIVORCE, THE MINNESOTA FAMILY LAW COURTS PLAY A POSITIVE ROLE

The decision to end a family unit is rarely motivated by the best intentions.  It rarely brings out the best in people.  The Courts serve a purpose in ensuring that above all, the end of a family is civil and  safe.

Jennifer Moore

www.moorefamilylawMN.com

 

DIVORCE, SOCIAL MEDIA AND INTERNET USES AND ABUSES

Friday, July 27th, 2012

DIVORCE,
SOCIAL MEDIA

AND INTERNET
USES AND ABUSES

 

Advice About Electronic Evidence and Divorce and Custody

Everything that you post on the internet could become evidence in your family law matter. Yes, everything. Anything on your computer hard drive could become evidence in your family law matter. Yes, anything.  I’ve seen people’s Amazon.com book receipts become evidence.

You should not scrub your computer to destroy this electronic material once you commence a dissolution case, and it is impossible
to erase your internet past.  However, you can live your life with awareness that you are leaving electronic footprints beginning right now.

I shouldn’t have to tell you that it’s a bad idea to argue with your soon-to-be-ex via Facebook status, or to pepper your email demands for parenting time with threats and swear words.  But, you’d be surprised how often people do these things.

$20,000 Damages for Email Eavesdropping

Now, it is legal and maybe even smart, to monitor your husband’s social networking accounts. However, it is not okay to hack into your husband’s email account, forge emails and alter a prenuptial agreement. It is also not okay to hack into your husband’s social media accounts to create family court evidence.  If your husband can prove that you’ve done this, you will likely be subject to severe sanctions, and you might lose your family law case.

Facebook is a Big Factor in Divorces

According to this article, Facebook is mentioned in 20% of all British divorce filings. Certainly, in my practice, Facebook is mentioned in a significant percentage of disputed custody matters, and over time, it is becoming more common for Facebook to be relevant.

See also more on social media and divorce

Jennifer Moore

www.moorefamilylawmn.com

 

DIVORCE, PARENTING TIME, AND PROPOSED LAW IN MINNESOTA

Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012

DIVORCE AND PARENTING TIME IN MN

There’s a bill on MN  Governor Dayton’s desk that would create a presumption that all parents are entitled to at least 35% parenting time with their children.  NEW PARENTING TIME LAW

SCHEDULES AND THE CHILDREN OF DIVORCED PARENTS

While I agree that all children deserve to see both parents at often as possible, parents’ work schedules and children’s school and activity  schedules often make it difficult to carve out such a specific percentage in such a way that does not affect the best interests of the children.  I am concerned that custody cases will become more difficult for parents and children under this bill, as lawyers and judges look for ways to reach the 35% custodial presumption.

HIGH CONFLICT DIVORCES MAKE 50 /50 PHYSICAL CUSTODY MORE PROBLEMATIC

Difficult cases may be made harder, as parents will look to reasons to defeat the presumption such as claiming that the other parent is unfit instead of looking at the best interests of their children  in an effort to short circuit the calendar battle.   While similar arguments were made when the law that provided that each parent is presumed an entitlement to at least  25% custody, in my caseload at least, I have rarely had a case in which the parties could not agree upon at least 25% custody where there were no allegations of domestic abuse.   I have  had many cases where parties had a difficult time carving out agreements which give  parents between 30-45% custody.

50 / 50 CHILD CUSTODY USUALLY DOES NOT WORK

Perhaps my biggest concern is that this bill is actually an attempt to make it easier to provide a presumption in favor of 50/50 custody in future legislation.  In most of my cases, 50/50 parenting time is absolutely unworkable because of the distance between the parties’  homes, the parties’ work schedules, the lack of good communication between parents, and the needs of the children to maintain a consistent home during the school year.

When parties do agree on such a schedule, they usually agree to live in the same school district and have an extraordinarily cooperative co-parenting relationship.  The children are usually in at least second or third grade, or the  parents have been separated for a long time and using a 50/50 arrangement so long that they are used to it.

Jennifer Moore

www.moorefamilylawMN.com

 

 

 

DIVORCE AND CHILDREN AND SUMMER

Tuesday, May 1st, 2012

DIVORCE AND CHILDREN
AND SUMMER

TEACHING YOUR
CHILDREN OF DIVORCE ABOUT THE REAL WORLD

MY PERSONAL TAKE ON
REARING CHILDREN IN THE MIDST OF ALIMONY, CHILD CUSTODY, SUPPORT, AND DIVORCE

Summer is coming.  Summer is actually a great time to parent your children while you are going through a divorce, or have been divorced.  Obviously I can’t guarantee a positive experience, and I’m not a trained professional in child care, child psychology and so on.  Just another dad and office manager at a small family law firm in MN.  I’ve been divorced once and some of the best times during that unpleasant but necessary experience were with my two children in the summer – good time to get away from concerns about child support and custody and alimony and just enjoy my son and my daughter.

With my daughter we worked out times to  take a firearms safety class together.  We spent some time hanging out in the club she  patronized and meeting her friends there.  We had more time for some frank talks together. Very frank, especially on her part.

With my son, we had time to go on many bike rides, to cookie cooking parties, to swim,  camp out and talk together meaningfully.  One thing we both learned was the meaning of ‘No.’ That one took years but we got there.  Same for learning to be quiet and if need be,  just walk away for a while.

Your children of divorce can learn from getting out in the world without you, too.  We sent my son to summer camp for a number of years.  This taught him new socializing skills, provided a break for everyone and stopped when my son no longer wanted to go.  This,  and the lesson that when Mom or Dad go away, they always come back.  A lesson in love that, if someone loves you, they will come back.

With both children I made more than a few mistakes.  One of the big ones was to let them meet my post-divorce girlfriend.  They assumed that she would be their new stepmom.  I didn’t encourage them in that – just them meeting her was enough.  Ona morepositive note, we had time to go to visit actual relatives  — the difference between the relatives and my girlfriend of the time was that they learned that the relatives would stick around, unlike the girlfriend who, naturally enough, would not.  So, be careful whom you let your children meet.

I am sure that what really helped was my ex- and I both was working together to parent our children and to be their strongest advocates.  Divorce, alimony, child support child custody, visitation – we let none of that interfere in parenting our children.

Finally, I met a girlfriend with whom I fell in love and we got married.  She was very careful to define her role as STEP mother, not mother.  This was really very helpful in giving both my children someone with a little bit of distance from them, but who loves them and is always “there” for them. Someone with her own personality, an ability to joke with the children (Both are now adults) and so on; without the emotional risks of another parent – child relationship.

THE LIFELONG IMPACTOF
DIVORCE ON CHILDREN, ESPECIALLY WHEN  DISPUTES ARISE OVER CUSTODY, ALIMONY, CHILD
SUPPORT, ETC.

Here’s a good discussion, started by Mark B. Baer, on the lifelong impact that divorced and battling adults can have on their children.  The following part of the discussion, from  Cristina Odona, regarding adult children and divorced parents struck me particularly: Effects of Divorce on Children

THE IMPORTANCE OF
FATHERS IN DIVORCE AND IN LIFE WITH THEIR CHILDREN

Fathers are important too!

In this link we read:

“One of the sad realities of divorce and the outcome is fatherlessness…

“It is more common for father’s relationships to be thinned out more than mothers. While a lot of attention and research has focused on single-parent families where the parent is the mother, limited attention has focused on single-parent families where the father is the parent. Single-father families are a small, but growing segment of our society. But what happens when dads aren’t involved?…

“Did you know:

  • Up to 25% of children do not see their father by 2-3 years after divorce
  • Daughters that do not have a relationship with their father are more likely to have long term emotional issues – are more promiscuous and less likely to graduate from high school and college; while sons are more likely to exhibit delinquent behavior
  • 80% of the daughters and sons in the U.S. only live with their fathers for a maximum of 10 to 15 percent of the time after their parents’ divorce…”

Finally, one  attorney’s embittered viewpoint which is nonetheless worth reading:

A MORE FAMILY ORIENTED APPROACH TO
DIVORCE AND FAMILY LAW

Lawyers and Judges and Divorces

Thank you.  I hope you found this useful.

Thomas Moore

Office Manager

www.MooreFamilyLawMN.com

SPECIAL NEEDS CHILDREN, DIVORCE AND FAMILY LAW

Tuesday, March 20th, 2012

SPECIAL NEEDS CHILDREN, DIVORCE AND FAMILY LAW

 

I’m the father of two special needs children and the office manager in a MN family law practice. I’m a bit of a magpie when it comes
to gathering up useful links.  Here are some articles I’ve culled about handicapped / special needs children, their parenting,  the role of the
law, lawyers, and attorneys.

Frank talk from the parent of a special needs child:

By the way, Huffington Post has a good section called Huffpost Parents  , which has run insightful articles on divorce.

Special needs children and the alternatives available for their treatment under the law  These sorts of decisions become especially important at the critical and –usually – heart rending times when your child needs to be placed in a hpspital, assisted living facility,or other more restrictive environment.

Touette Syndrom Association (TSA) Minnesota   - a scrappy parent run and effective group for those with Tourette Syndrome.  Fair Warning – my son has Tourette’s and was in the TSA for years; both my former wife and myself were active in the Tourette Syndrome Association and now my daughter and son and their mom are getting involvedi n it again.  It’s been a great group where you can commune with others in the same boat not to mention draw courage inspiration and ideas from others.

Here’s a discussion of Tourette Syndrome:

My own take on this.  I hope this helps.  Someone once told me that having a special needs child was like having a child who dies not once but over and over – as when you discover they are handicapped.  When you learn the handicap is serious indeed. When you learn she is going to die young, never learn to read, live the rest of their life under the care of strangers, be so alone – you fear- so all alone when you and his other caretakers die. When you see that she really does not grasp the world in its consistency and wonder, when you have that insight as to how the world appears, sounds, acts to her.  When you lose one dream, then another—the dreams every parent has for their child – You’ll not be able to care for her.  Professionals are required. He’ll never join the Army and be a hero.  She’ll never get out
of that wheelchair.  He will not get a driver’s license.  The sickening realization that yes the government, Wall Street,  and most public
institutions are irremediably corrupt and  actively maliciously and for profit destroying what little safety net he has.    I know for me experiencing events similar to these marked some of the worst days – and nights—of my life.

Love your child handicapped or no:

Thomas Moore

Office Manager

www.MooreFamilyLawMN.com

What NOT to do in Divorce – Brinkley and Cook

Tuesday, March 13th, 2012

Once again – What NOT to do in divorce:

Christine Brinkley and Peter Cook

I’m office manager is a small family law practice in MN.  Not an attorney, but I see enough damage done to children and parents alike in divorce that I appreciate any effort to prevent situations such as described below.

Here is an article, with links to the New York Daily News about yet another rich and famous couple cratering publicly during their divorce, custody battle, child support battle, and so on..  This can be amusing – for a minute and from a safe distance – but it is not so for any of those involved, especially children.  And, these sorts of tragedies occur more often than gets a mention in the press.  It happens to ordinary people who have far less material resources to bring to the battle and to publicize it.

Here’s the article.  Citations are on the hyperlink.

 Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook: Examples of What NOT to Do

I hope you find this hellpful.

Tom Moore

Office Manager

www.moorefamilylawmn.com

 

 

 

DANGERS OF DIVORCE

Tuesday, March 13th, 2012

DANGERS OF DIVORCE 

Citations can be found in the hyperlinks.  My thanks to the contributors of the LinkedIn Divorce Techology and Marketing for Divorce Professionals groups, where I found these articles on divorce, custody, alimony, and child support. Anyway,heres’ somebasic advice with references to other writers on the topics.  

Don’t  flee the scene!

http://www.linkedin.com/groups/Adoption-Overturned-Due-Mothers-Fleeing-2155825.S.99322295?view=&gid=2155825&type=member&item=99322295&trk=eml-anet_dig-b_nd-pst_ttle-cn

Watch out for Facebook!

http://www.linkedin.com/groupAnswers?viewQuestionAndAnswers=&discussionID=99229444&gid=3818704&trk=eml-anet_dig-b_nd-pst_ttle-cn&ut=0HSIBnUI3nxR81

Neither mediation nor litigation nor out of court settlement will get you everything.

Sorry! – True as this is I couldn’t come up with a good
citation.  There’s always Google…

Hacking and spying – they’re not just for strangers anymore

http://www.linkedin.com/news?viewArticle=&articleID=5581345031572172836&gid=2155825&type=member&item=98684148&articleURL=http%3A%2F%2Fkevinhickeylaw%2Ecom%2Fis-your-estranged-spouse-monitoring-your-communications%2F&urlhash=vxz0&goback=%2Egde_2155825_member_98684148

Some People are Biased!

http://www.linkedin.com/news?viewArticle=&articleID=5564044718871949322&gid=2155825&type=member&item=89353445&articleURL=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Emarkbaeresq%2Ecom%2FPasadena-Family-Law-Blog%2F2012%2FJanuary%2FJudicial-Bias-A-Variable-That-Is-Often-Overlooke%2Easpx&urlhash=scXX&goback=%2Egde_2155825_member_89353445

Parental Alienation is Unfortunately Alive and Well

http://www.linkedin.com/news?iewArticle=&articleID=5581429399179239430&gid=2155825&type=member&item=98683736&articleURL=http%3A%2F%2Fkevinhickeylaw%2Ecom%2Fparental-alienation-is-unfortunately-alive-and-well%2F&urlhash=tGQX&goback=%2Egde_2155825_member_98683736

 

Be Careful of Your Finances

http://www.linkedin.com/news?viewArticle=&articleID=5580655610896056392&gid=2155825&type=member&item=98140705&articleURL=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Eforbes%2Ecom%2Fsites%2Fjefflanders%2F2012%2F02%2F29%2Fthree-key-steps-to-help-a-woman-protect-her-finances-when-leaving-an-abusive-marriage%2F&urlhash=TN4S&goback=%2Egde_2155825_member_98140705

Text messages are very hard to get rid of
http://www.linkedin.com/groupItem?view=&srchtype=discussedNews&gid=3818704&item=97580561&type=member&trk=eml-anet_dig-b_pd-ttl-cn&ut=1dOjdkTo9QF581

 Hold Your Tongue There a While, Mister! (Husband’s
Facebook rant violates protective order, has to apologize or go to jail.
)

http://www.linkedin.com/groupItem?view=&srchtype=discussedNews&gid=3818704&item=96791384&type=member&trk=eml-anet_dig-b_pd-ttl-cn&ut=1_0y5_pz1SF581

 

Should Your Children be Involved in your Divorce?

http://www.linkedin.com/groupAnswers?viewQuestionAndAnswers=&discussionID=97157485&gid=3818704&trk=eml-anet_dig-b_nd-pst_ttle-cn&ut=2lXCKnPVNTF581

Can Divorce Make You Sick?

 

http://www.linkedin.com/news?viewArticle=&articleID=5585095911597420550&gid=3818704&type=member&item=100660141&articleURL=http%3A%2F%2Fblog%2Ethesmartdivorce%2Ecom%2F2012%2F03%2F12%2Fcan-divorce-cause-sickness-disease%2F&urlhash=Sigh&trk=group_most_recent_rich-0-b-shrttl

Divorce and Moving Children from Minnesota

Monday, January 16th, 2012

 

DIVORCE AND MOVING CHILDREN FROM MINNESOTA

 We are finding an increasing number of clients come to us with questions about moving their children.

 FAMILY LAW IN MINNESOTA

Minnesotalaw requires you to obtain permission of the Court before moving out of State with your children if there is an existing child custody order.  This permission is granted when a parent can prove that a move will be in the best interests of the children. Increasingly, our clients have found it difficult to obtain this permission—especially when the other parent has been involved in the children’s lives. 

That does not mean that it is impossible to obtain this permission.  The difference between a successful request to move is often in the amount of preparation you do.  You should have a job and a home.  You should know where your children will go to school.   If you have family in the new area, you should be prepared to explain why it is important for your children to develop a relationship with this family.   You should be able to explain the problems of remaining inMinnesota, and the effect that staying here will have on your children.   Finally, you should have a plan that allows your children to maintain a good relationship with their other parent.  

FAMILY LAW LITIGATION IN MN

Litigation is the last resort in most of these cases.  Your first order of business will be to attempt to convince the other parent that the children need to move with you.   You may have a mediation clause in your present custody order which mandates an attempt to mediate, but even if you don’t have a mediation clause, you may very well want to try that before looking to the Courts.  In almost every case, mediation of an issue like this, if it results in a settlement, will be less expensive than litigation.  Studies show that people who resolve disputes through mediation are happier with the result, even if they could have gotten a better result through litigation.  And our experience shows that Courts have some reluctance to permitting a move, even where a parent can show benefit to the children.  

If you are on the receiving end of a request to move your children, you will need to explain why it’s not in the best interests of your children to move.  You will want to focus on their life inMinnesotaand what your children will lose out on if they move.  You will be slightly favored in Court, since the other parent will have the burden of proof of showing why it’s in your children’s best interests to move, but that doesn’t mean that you should simply assume that there is no case.  Consider what might happen if, for example, your children’s other parent can’t find work inMinnesota.  Perhaps your children would be better served if their other parent had better support from family in the new location.  Finally, consider that your children’s other parent may simply not have a choice whether to stay in Minnesota or move, and your children may be moving from their home no matter what (even if it is into your home).  

But what if the other parent moves the children without my permission? 

In this event, you have remedies, most of the time. Minnesotacustody orders are enforced in every other state pursuant to the Uniform Child Custody and Jurisdiction Act.   Under that Act, you can obtain an Order which gives you the ability to ask law enforcement to assist you in securing your children’s return.   There may be additional criminal consequences for removing the children, especially if you are not told where you can find your children.  

MOVING CHILDREN TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY DURING A DIVORCE

If the children are removed from the country, you may have rights pursuant to the Hague Convention, an international agreement that permits you to enforce aUnited Statescustody order in another country.  Unfortunately, not every country is a signatory to the Hague Convention.  In those countries, you will be required to seek redress through the foreign country’s courts, and many times, those courts are unwilling to assistU.S.citizens. 

For those cases where a parent may want to remove a child to a non-Hague Convention nation, it is necessary to prevent the travel before it occurs.   One way is to limit the ability of a parent to travel with the children within the terms of a custody order or divorce decree.   Another is to keep your children’s passport with you, or to withhold your permission for the other parent to obtain a passport for your children.  Finally, you may enroll in the State Department’s Children’s Passport Issuance Alert Program (http://travel.state.gov/abduction/prevention/passportissuance/passportissuance_554.html), a program which will alert you if anyone applies for a passport on behalf of your children. 

Jennifer Moore

www.MooreFamilyLawMN.com

LOVE, CHILD CUSTODY, VISITATION AND DIVORCE

Wednesday, December 7th, 2011

 

 

LOVE, CHILD CUSTODY,

VISITATION AND DIVORCE

 First, Love Your Children

 Child custody litigation is one way to resolve issues between you and your child’s other parent.  You have the right to file a motion, say mean things about your child’s other parent, and tell the Court why it should rule in your favor.  Sometimes, such litigation is the only way to resolve differences.  Other times, the litigation process will just make things worse.  Who ever liked their ex-spouse more after the litigation process?

 Sometimes, what is required to solve a child custody problem is to use your own tools to become more involved with your child’s life.   Spend more time with your child.  Contact your child’s teachers, daycare providers, doctors, and therapists and develop your own relationship with the people who care for your child.  Sign up to coach your kid’s soccer team.  Develop special traditions and activities that are unique to your relationship with your child.   

 Next, Love Your Children

 If you have the sort of relationship with your child that I’m suggesting you work to develop, you will have better information to determine what might be in your child’s best interests regarding visitation and other questions related to your divorce.   You will have insider information that isn’t developed by violating boundaries, but is rather the product of your everyday interaction with your child.  This will put you on an equal or superior playing field with your child’s other parent in making decisions.  I don’t promise that you won’t have disagreements about what’s best for your child, but it’s likely that your disagreements will be better informed.   

Third, Love Your Children

 Sometimes you have fundamental disagreements about child rearing that reflect strongly held values.  These often arise over the question of  the rights of one parent or another regarding visitation with the child.  Parents who parent within a marriage or primary relationship also have these disagreements, but they are able to work through these disagreements.  Once parents split up, much of the incentive for resolving parenting conflicts is gone.  So are many of the tools that parents develop within their relationship before their divorce.  It doesn’t matter how committed parents are to co-parenting, parenting changes once you become single.  However, if you focus on your own relationship with your child, you will be better able to manage conflict with your ex regarding visitation, child custody and other divorce related issues..  

 Finally, Love Your Children

 What is really important?  If you develop your relationship with your child before, during and after your divorce, the relationship will tell you what is important.

 Jennifer Moore

www.moorefamilylawMN.com

HOW DO CHILDREN FARE IN A DIVORCE

Thursday, November 10th, 2011

 

Children.  Divorce.  Some Data and My Own Experience 

This post is based on an article by Robert Hughes, Jr. in the Huffington Post

 INFORMATION REGARDING CHILDREN AND DIVORCE

Mr. Hughes’ basic conclusion is that children suffered most in divorced families where there was rigidity and failure to adapt to the children’s needs and other changing circumstances.  Children suffered less – but they still suffered – in divorced families where there was flexibility in visitations, regarding changing circumstances, and in view of the evolving needs of the children as they grew up. 

MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH HANDICAPPED CHILDREN AND DIVORCE

Good article.  I have been divorced once and that was plenty, believe me!  One of the worst days of my life was watching my soon-to-be former wife take our two children from me inTexasto her family inMinnesota.  This is even though we had sensibly agreed to stay partners in raising our two young children, not to badmouth one another, not us use the children as bargaining chips, to be flexible in terms of custody, alimony, and visitation – child support being set by statute in MN.   

 The impact on the children was severe.  I don’t think it could have been worse if our children were not special needs.  It took something like ten years for my daughter to accept me back into her trust.  For my son, it took six years at least.  Divorce has very long term consequences.  Both of them have a strong streak of independence and a sense of their own worth as human beings, divorce or no divorce.  Both are now grown and feel free remind me upon occasion that “Dad, this isn’t the old days like when you were growing up.  I’m not you, you know!”  Blunt as they are about things like this, I’m proud of them for that. They are developing, full, persons.

 A lot of this came out through therapy, love, and their confronting me with what I had done wrong.  If this happens to you, stop, listen, and learn from your children.  They need you to do that.

 Thomas Moore

Office Manager

 MooreFamily Law, P.A.

www.moorefamilylawMN.com