AVOIDING DIVORCE　

STRESS AND CHAOS AND MODERN LIFE ADD TO THE DIVORCE RATE

My personal take is as follows.　 Your take will be different.　 Anyway, in my view we are faced with: 

War in the Afghanistan.　 Car bombs and suicide bombs in Iraq.　 Massacres in Syria.　 Civil war in Libya.　 Continuing conflict in Egypt one year after the start of their revolution.　 More personally, the threat of unemployment, bankruptcy, and foreclosure.　 Social conflict in Greece.　 Politicians who denigrate one another and seem clueless about everything the 99% is concerned about.　 The 1% who so often avoid consequences of their actions (the bailout, the tax code, fees on consumer accounts).　 The decline of taste, principles, tolerance and culture as evidenced in almost everything on TV, it seems. And in the schools. Growing rates of disabilities and handicaps especially among our children.

I’m not all gloom and doom by any means, but there is a lot going on in the world today and to say the least not everything is benign. 

Your take is of course different.　 But, myself, looking back on 69 years of life (so far!) I am truly struck with the way society seems to be coming apart at the seams, along class lines but also on sectarian and political lines as well.　 I’m the office manager of a small family law firm in MN.　 So I see the effects of all this in our clients.　 We want to help people, so we’re not in the business of pushing divorce, child support matters, alimony matters and child custody conflicts on people who come into our office.　 Often we will recommend they not get a divorce at all.

HOW TO PREVENT DIVORCE

I’ll make this brief and to the point.　 To avoid divorce, I’d recommend the following: 

Compromise.　 Don’t make small things, or anything, a test of wills.　 Look at the other partner’s point of view.　 I remember one particularly unhappy couple　 — who had at one time had an idyllic marriage – I can remember the husband who made everything a contest of wills.　 If she wanted spaghetti and meatballs he would invariably want lasagna AND try to get her to want lasagna too.　 Sounds a bit irrational, yes, but it came from – for whatever reason, and this has to be worked out in the marriage – making everything a power struggle or a question of ego.

 Of course sometimes you really do have a disagreement with your spouse.　 So, pick your fights—or better prevent your conflicts from turning into fights.　 The choice of where to live, how many children, if any, to have, etc. – these are certainly major issues.　 So compromise is often the only positive solution.　 And that can mean each partner giving up something they really value and want.　 Not easy! 

So, communicate, talk an issue to death　 — I know, sometimes people get sick of talk but I’d say, some is usually better than none; and talk that results in an acceptable compromise or agreement needs to be followed by action along those line.　 Then talk becomes something real and not a smokescreen. 

In other words, face up to your own responsibilities and consequences of your words and actions. Make RATIONAL decisions.　

Then there’s fun!　 Don’t forget fun! – special dinners, a movie, trip, or night on the town if you can afford it.　 Time with – or without – the kids.　 Hang out with the neighbors or your friends.　 

And, finally – work.　 But that’s another blog. 

I hope this helps. 

Thomas Moore

Office Manager

www.MooreFamilyLawMN.com