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Becoming a stepmom is no easy task. You are learning to juggle your relationship with your husband, stepchildren, and your husband’s ex. Finding ways to please everyone is sometimes impossible, but if you’re prepared and know what to expect, you’ll be just fine.

  1. Focus on your marriage. Your marriage is the reason you are a stepmom. Focusing on maintaining a strong relationship with your new husband will help you feel like you aren’t alone during those tough days. Having a strong marriage could also help show your stepchildren that you and their dad are a strong, united force, and will be there for them no matter what.
  1. Don’t put yourself down. No one said that being a stepmother would be easy. There will be days that are tougher than others, and days you feel like you’re failing. It’s important not to let the bad days make you feel like you aren’t being a great stepmom. This role takes time, practice and a whole lot of patience. Focus instead on the good days, and learn from the bad ones.

  1. Your stepkids may not like you or your marriage to their dad right away. Accepting this new arrangement may take some time, so allow them to accept you on their terms. And most importantly, don’t take it personally.
  1. You may not instantly love your stepchildren. Just because your husband loves his children unconditionally, doesn’t mean that you will instantly feel the same.  Sometimes, building a loving and lasting relationship takes time. Allow the relationships to naturally form, and use this time to get to know them. Love for them will follow.
  1. Find other stepmoms to help you navigate these new waters. While your stepkids are learning to understand this new arrangement, you are learning how to make this new situation work. Finding people who have either gone through this before, or are going through it now, will help you keep your sanity, and give you a great place to go for advice.
  1. Don’t listen to gossip about your husband’s ex. It’s easy for everyone to bash her now that she’s out of the picture, but for the sake of your stepchildren, your new husband, and yourself, try not to listen. Base your feelings solely on your interactions with her. If she does something truly awful, you will have your own experiences to draw on vs. the words of someone else.
  1. Just like your marriage, being a stepmom is something you have to work on every day. You can’t expect to occasionally put in effort and have a wonderful relationship with your stepchildren. It’s a daily process and requires time and patience, but it will pay off in the end.

Are you a stepmom? Let us know what advice you have for new stepmoms in the comment section below!


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